What I Gained By Believing In Myself

I remember family vacations as a kid, I remember spending hours doing my homework in the back of my Dad’s Lincoln while we made the 15 hour drive to South Padre Island, so we could spend a week at the ocean, fishing, walking the beach, going to Mexico, getting fresh tortillas, swimming, building sand castles, life seemed so simple then. I lived for these vacations, I loved the sunshine and ocean air, looking back now, these family vacations were everything, in all honesty, I think some of trips could have been a National Lampoon’s Vacation movie!

I have lived in Maine for many years and I have been very blessed that I have friends with boats that would gladly take me anytime I want to go, but one day I decided that I want my own boat, I want to be able to get out on the water myself, I want to haul lobster traps and tour around explore the islands. This was probably one of my more ridiculous ideas, that came with endless self doubt dialogue that played over and over in my head, but I told Mike about my idea, he said, “ok, I will find you a boat.” It did not take long, maybe a week before I was backing up my truck to pick up my little lobster boat. I looked at Mike and said, “ what if I can’t do this, what if I back the boat off the ramp, what if I hit a ledge, what if... what if.... what if.....????” My ‘what if’s were really WTH did I just do, what am I doing, I can just got out on a friends boat! Mike looked at me and calmly said, “You can do anything, you want to do, I believe in you!” Those words brought back all those fishing trips with my family and my dad teaching me how to fish, watching him and remembering my dad saying, “you will never know unless you try.”

So, I come down the driveway towing a boat, which I have never really towed anything before, let alone back down a boat ramp, and don't even get me started about getting the boat off the trailer by myself!! It was September when we brought home the boat, it stayed hooked up to the truck for a few days, I actually lost sleep thinking just thinking about backing up. I live in a community of fishermen and here I am a girl from Oklahoma that now owns a lobster fishing boat.

It was a Sunday morning, I was up early, told Mike to get ready we were taking the boat for a ride, we loaded up Babs and off we went. Mike was a little confused, he did not realize I meant taking the boat for a ride, actually meant I had been up for many nights finding isolated boat ramps, on non-fishing days so I could actually practice backing down a boat ramp with my boat. We traveled an hour from home to a tiny little town called Lubec, basically it is practically Cananda, I did not want anyone, especially anyone I know to see my first attempts at backing up a trailer.

We arrived, and the fun began. Now, Mike who had supported this entire idea, really knew nothing about backing up a trailer, NOTHING. So, here we are in this town where we did not know a soul and the fun began. I went up and down that boat ramp, side ways, sometimes half straight, up and down, for an hour or more. We laughed and I was completely over thinking the whole thing, to put in perspective how long I spent backing up and down, I had put 2 miles on the odometer. It was fun, I can say I had not really grasped the concept yet, when I looked up and there was a man standing in front of my truck, he was smiling. He said, “I own this little restaurant and we have been watching you for the last hour, we have never seen someone smile so much trying to back up a trailer, please come in and let me buy you a beer, we want to hear your story!” So, I finally parked, and we no longer were strangers in this little town, I was the girl from Oklahoma with a lobster boat. I actually managed to get down the ramp once successfully before we left for the day, it was a huge accomplishment in my book!

I spent the next two months, towing my boat everywhere, I would take it to buy groceries, just to get practice driving with a trailer, I would sneak off to every different town I could find, just to back down the ramp. By November I had put on 1,000 miles “taking my boat for a ride”! It was actually a very cold day in November when I asked a friend if he would help me put the boat in the water. I was a nervous wreck, for the first time, I was backing up the boat at my town marina, with fishermen watching and I was a shaking mess, but I did it! I managed to get the boat off, go for a ride and with some help back on the trailer. I spent there rest of the winter, towing my boat around town, I went over in my mind 10,000 times how to get it off the trailer and tried to patiently wait for Spring.

In reflecting on my ridiculous idea, it truly was not so ridiculous at all. I learned a lot about myself, I learned a lot about the support of friends and community. I feel truly blessed that I live in such a beautiful place that pushed me to do something I TRULY love, I love being on the water. To this day, we still laugh about the fall I learned to tow a boat, the memories we have made will live in our hearts. This is what sets my soul on fire, this is what keeps me connected to nature, this is what grounds me. What sets your soul on fire, what drives you?

All My Best,

Dr. Nicole

Perspective

Living in Maine has given me many gifts, as well as learning about the seasons and what each one has to offer. While the world climate as a whole seems to be changing, so have the seasons I have grown to love in Maine. After reading Thea’s beautiful words about finding your passion, I realized I have many. One, which is not my first on the list, is flowers. I love flowers, all flowers. I love color. I love hummingbirds, bees and butterflies. Every spring I watch with amazement as little sprigs of green start sprouting out of the ground, saying “hello” from a long winters nap. It is the cycle of life and the internal beauty of it all. As the earth warms and the sun holds it’s space long in the sky, those little sprouts transform themselves and as summer approaches the magic is about to happen.

Now, of course, for years I tended my gardens with a flock of chickens which are rather helpful, but along came Randy (the best black sheep ever). Randy has definitely created some gardening challenges, most of which I approach as a competition. Some days, he does win more than I would like. After not being able to figure out the best way to Randy-proof my beloved gardens and flower pots last year, 2021 was going to be my year. A full week into summer and I AM WINNING!!! (knock on wood). My perineal beds look like fortresses of metal ‘decorative’ fencing, endless amounts of bamboo sticks, odd yard pieces blocking the ‘weaker’ areas of protection. They look amazing. Go team Nicole. While I have spent hours weeding, edging and improving my soil to make those gardens flourish, there is something more about flowers that I love.

There is a magical feeling in the air when the end of spring is near and the green houses start to open. The anticipation of seeing the color and the smell of nature after a winter hibernation. It expands the senses and reminds me everyday about the cycle of life. Of course, in planning my annual flowers, which are simply a labor of love. I lug out all my pots from the shed, prepare them with fresh soil and get ready for opening day. I find myself at my favorite greenhouse the day the flowers arrive, of course living in a small town, I keep in close contact with the owner!! It could be rain or shine, but I am there picking out all colors of the rainbow, smiling from ear to ear, talking to the flowers and filling my cart. Once my truck is full and my heart is happy, off I go. I spend the next few days mixing colors and figuring out how to protect them from Randy, he loves flowers too. This has been a great year for my flower pots, protected from Randy, they are flourishing in the summer sun! Since this summer has decided it is going to be the hottest one on record, watering has become very much a full time job. Can you imagine it takes 3 hours a day, to water flowers and all the animals? It has become part of my exercise routine lugging around 300 feet of hose and IT IS WORTH every second!! Even on the dark foggy Maine days my flowers are bright and cheerful making my soul smile. It truly is a passion enjoying what nature has to offer. I am looking forwards to what lies ahead for the summer and I don't even get me started talking about Fall Mums!!! While this seems like work, it is what helps keep me in nature, keeps me outside and remembering with care we can all keep blooming, even when the flowers fade there are deep roots that keep us planted.

All My Best,

Dr. Nicole

Passions, Priorities, and Healing

I myself met Dr. Nicole when I was in a very difficult place in my life and she started me on my healing journey. Like many I wanted to do everything and get it done with, but healing does not work that way. Changing foods and adding supplements is the tip of the iceberg. No argument, they do make you feel better and get your body more in balance, give you more energy, and cleanse you of what is hurting your body. However, other things are more challenging, let’s talk about self-care that does not include the dietary changes you have made for yourself. These are the changes you need to make for your mind and your spirit. You know those self-care things we are all supposed to do, say we know how important it is, but just can’t fit in anything more right now, we will get to them when we have time, money, energy, after work is finished, after I get my children get a bit older, my wants can wait for now…the excuses are endless and let’s be honest we know better.

What we don’t realize is, the things that feed our minds and spirits are the things that we are passionate about, get creative with and do our best interactions in and with this world. These things my lovely people are not wants, they are needs for our hearts and souls. Those moments with working with what we love to do are a very big part of what sustains us, and makes us thrive.

During those first few years (yes, years, I’m stubborn and willful and at that time fought everything as if it where an epic battle, epic things take a lot of time) while attempting to gain balance within myself physically, mentally and spiritually, I thought the only thing I could do was take care of my body. During this time of healing I had low energy and my body hurt. Somedays I could not get off the couch. I would knit, crochet spinning, embroider and everything I could get my hands on to explore deeper into in the fiber arts world. I felt like I was being lazy, I should push myself more housework, cleaning, working part time and being a mom taxi and I did. However, those where the days are when I felt the worst, but thought I felt better mentally because, I overcame my bodies limitations and strained it again in order to get what I though was most important done. This stagnated my progress for quite some time.

During my first year of healing I spent enough time on that couch to make enough things to have a homemade Christmas for my family, our parents and closest friends. This completely elated me, and my family as well. I went into the next year knowing I would do better. Of course that meant being 100% in a couple of months, right? Well, no, but I did improve. However, I was still missing the point of what was actually helping me heal and move forward. Every hat, mitten, sock, sweater, afghan, and piece of art work was an act of saving myself at the time. While creating I was immersed in learning, making, feeling excited and building a passion for something new. This creating was moving me forward, making me want to get up, feeling good about myself for what I was creating, no matter how bad I was at it in the beginning. I found that wanting to create made me not only want to live, but to be active, participate in life and continue exploring what I love to do.

Your interests and passions most likely live elsewhere than where I found mine to be, but the amount of self-care you give to yourself while pursuing what you love, gives so much more love, healing and self-worth back to you, it is priceless. It does not have to be a full time job, and probably at the moment it cannot be, however, making time for it daily even just a few minutes to move a project forward bit by bit is fulfilling. This is a big thing asking yourself to make yourself a priority, a number one priority at that, for just a little while each day. How could we think we did not have time for this? Why we are not worth our own time? I found I had to do it before I could understand why it was helping me, and I found that it made it easier to give to others when I had already created the”love” they needed me to give, it had been created when I was creating. This has increased my ability to give, rather than feel like it was being drained from me.

So, what is it that you are passionate about, curious about, want to learn about, want to say yes to? How about making your passion a priority?

Love and Blessings,

Thea