What I Gained By Believing In Myself

I remember family vacations as a kid, I remember spending hours doing my homework in the back of my Dad’s Lincoln while we made the 15 hour drive to South Padre Island, so we could spend a week at the ocean, fishing, walking the beach, going to Mexico, getting fresh tortillas, swimming, building sand castles, life seemed so simple then. I lived for these vacations, I loved the sunshine and ocean air, looking back now, these family vacations were everything, in all honesty, I think some of trips could have been a National Lampoon’s Vacation movie!

I have lived in Maine for many years and I have been very blessed that I have friends with boats that would gladly take me anytime I want to go, but one day I decided that I want my own boat, I want to be able to get out on the water myself, I want to haul lobster traps and tour around explore the islands. This was probably one of my more ridiculous ideas, that came with endless self doubt dialogue that played over and over in my head, but I told Mike about my idea, he said, “ok, I will find you a boat.” It did not take long, maybe a week before I was backing up my truck to pick up my little lobster boat. I looked at Mike and said, “ what if I can’t do this, what if I back the boat off the ramp, what if I hit a ledge, what if... what if.... what if.....????” My ‘what if’s were really WTH did I just do, what am I doing, I can just got out on a friends boat! Mike looked at me and calmly said, “You can do anything, you want to do, I believe in you!” Those words brought back all those fishing trips with my family and my dad teaching me how to fish, watching him and remembering my dad saying, “you will never know unless you try.”

So, I come down the driveway towing a boat, which I have never really towed anything before, let alone back down a boat ramp, and don't even get me started about getting the boat off the trailer by myself!! It was September when we brought home the boat, it stayed hooked up to the truck for a few days, I actually lost sleep thinking just thinking about backing up. I live in a community of fishermen and here I am a girl from Oklahoma that now owns a lobster fishing boat.

It was a Sunday morning, I was up early, told Mike to get ready we were taking the boat for a ride, we loaded up Babs and off we went. Mike was a little confused, he did not realize I meant taking the boat for a ride, actually meant I had been up for many nights finding isolated boat ramps, on non-fishing days so I could actually practice backing down a boat ramp with my boat. We traveled an hour from home to a tiny little town called Lubec, basically it is practically Cananda, I did not want anyone, especially anyone I know to see my first attempts at backing up a trailer.

We arrived, and the fun began. Now, Mike who had supported this entire idea, really knew nothing about backing up a trailer, NOTHING. So, here we are in this town where we did not know a soul and the fun began. I went up and down that boat ramp, side ways, sometimes half straight, up and down, for an hour or more. We laughed and I was completely over thinking the whole thing, to put in perspective how long I spent backing up and down, I had put 2 miles on the odometer. It was fun, I can say I had not really grasped the concept yet, when I looked up and there was a man standing in front of my truck, he was smiling. He said, “I own this little restaurant and we have been watching you for the last hour, we have never seen someone smile so much trying to back up a trailer, please come in and let me buy you a beer, we want to hear your story!” So, I finally parked, and we no longer were strangers in this little town, I was the girl from Oklahoma with a lobster boat. I actually managed to get down the ramp once successfully before we left for the day, it was a huge accomplishment in my book!

I spent the next two months, towing my boat everywhere, I would take it to buy groceries, just to get practice driving with a trailer, I would sneak off to every different town I could find, just to back down the ramp. By November I had put on 1,000 miles “taking my boat for a ride”! It was actually a very cold day in November when I asked a friend if he would help me put the boat in the water. I was a nervous wreck, for the first time, I was backing up the boat at my town marina, with fishermen watching and I was a shaking mess, but I did it! I managed to get the boat off, go for a ride and with some help back on the trailer. I spent there rest of the winter, towing my boat around town, I went over in my mind 10,000 times how to get it off the trailer and tried to patiently wait for Spring.

In reflecting on my ridiculous idea, it truly was not so ridiculous at all. I learned a lot about myself, I learned a lot about the support of friends and community. I feel truly blessed that I live in such a beautiful place that pushed me to do something I TRULY love, I love being on the water. To this day, we still laugh about the fall I learned to tow a boat, the memories we have made will live in our hearts. This is what sets my soul on fire, this is what keeps me connected to nature, this is what grounds me. What sets your soul on fire, what drives you?

All My Best,

Dr. Nicole

Perspective

Living in Maine has given me many gifts, as well as learning about the seasons and what each one has to offer. While the world climate as a whole seems to be changing, so have the seasons I have grown to love in Maine. After reading Thea’s beautiful words about finding your passion, I realized I have many. One, which is not my first on the list, is flowers. I love flowers, all flowers. I love color. I love hummingbirds, bees and butterflies. Every spring I watch with amazement as little sprigs of green start sprouting out of the ground, saying “hello” from a long winters nap. It is the cycle of life and the internal beauty of it all. As the earth warms and the sun holds it’s space long in the sky, those little sprouts transform themselves and as summer approaches the magic is about to happen.

Now, of course, for years I tended my gardens with a flock of chickens which are rather helpful, but along came Randy (the best black sheep ever). Randy has definitely created some gardening challenges, most of which I approach as a competition. Some days, he does win more than I would like. After not being able to figure out the best way to Randy-proof my beloved gardens and flower pots last year, 2021 was going to be my year. A full week into summer and I AM WINNING!!! (knock on wood). My perineal beds look like fortresses of metal ‘decorative’ fencing, endless amounts of bamboo sticks, odd yard pieces blocking the ‘weaker’ areas of protection. They look amazing. Go team Nicole. While I have spent hours weeding, edging and improving my soil to make those gardens flourish, there is something more about flowers that I love.

There is a magical feeling in the air when the end of spring is near and the green houses start to open. The anticipation of seeing the color and the smell of nature after a winter hibernation. It expands the senses and reminds me everyday about the cycle of life. Of course, in planning my annual flowers, which are simply a labor of love. I lug out all my pots from the shed, prepare them with fresh soil and get ready for opening day. I find myself at my favorite greenhouse the day the flowers arrive, of course living in a small town, I keep in close contact with the owner!! It could be rain or shine, but I am there picking out all colors of the rainbow, smiling from ear to ear, talking to the flowers and filling my cart. Once my truck is full and my heart is happy, off I go. I spend the next few days mixing colors and figuring out how to protect them from Randy, he loves flowers too. This has been a great year for my flower pots, protected from Randy, they are flourishing in the summer sun! Since this summer has decided it is going to be the hottest one on record, watering has become very much a full time job. Can you imagine it takes 3 hours a day, to water flowers and all the animals? It has become part of my exercise routine lugging around 300 feet of hose and IT IS WORTH every second!! Even on the dark foggy Maine days my flowers are bright and cheerful making my soul smile. It truly is a passion enjoying what nature has to offer. I am looking forwards to what lies ahead for the summer and I don't even get me started talking about Fall Mums!!! While this seems like work, it is what helps keep me in nature, keeps me outside and remembering with care we can all keep blooming, even when the flowers fade there are deep roots that keep us planted.

All My Best,

Dr. Nicole

Let me tell you about Miss Rosie…

Miss Rosie was rescued when she was about 10 months old, she is now 16.  Miss Rosie spent 10 years of her life on a downeast farm where she was the family milk cow. Chances are if you lived in Downeast Maine during this time, you had milk from Rosie.  She was treated like a queen, she had three little girls who grew up painting her hooves and dressing her up.  Rosie had 4 calves over the years and she became the “farm pet.”  As the children grew and life changed, the family decided not to have a farm anymore, it was a Full Time Job, and they were adjusting to their family’s growing needs. They thought long and hard about “what to do with their beloved Rosie.

That is where Mike and I enter the picture.  The family asked if we could give Rosie a “retirement home”.  Besides having some backyard chickens, which is a blog for another day, we decided to welcome Rosie to our home.  Neither of us ever had livestock, I actually grew up in the city, and honestly we had no idea what we were getting ourselves into, but we were all in. 

We got Miss Rosie a barn, I painted her some signs and  made it her home. We learned that the Feed and Seed was now our favorite new place to shop for the essentials for a queen. In the years Rosie has been retired I have learned many more things… It’s her way or NO way.  During the winter she will not come out of her barn, unless you bring snacks and snowshoe her a path.  In the summer she prefers two fans, as one requires her to turn back and forth from her face to her bum, but if she has two it’s almost like AC.  She loves apples, she loves scratching her neck on all the trees, she hates fly spray, will tolerate a bandana, and will never turn down a brushing.  She loves when the school bus shows up with a group of kids, and on those days it’s always about her.  Rosie has also enjoyed the garden club, when they came she was a star, and the flowers decorated her. There also was another group of artists that brought their easels and paints and sure enough Rosie did not disappoint. 

Rosie also happily goes for walks, and she never turns down attention. She is very social.  I learned that Rosie loves men, I mean LOVES them.  She turns into a total flirt, her head down and kicking up dirt and then blowing at them all. I have left patients laying on my chiropractic table because the neighbor called and Rosie was out running the neighborhood. 

Rosie’s great to talk to if you need a good cry. She can take all of your weight, give you warmth, and always listens until you are good and done with all that you have to say. Rosie has listened to it all, all my woes and all my excitement. Rosie will endlessly “help” Mike clean her stall, but she likes it done her way. I assure you that Mike’s words are sometimes colorful, but she just lets his words go, and keeps right along “helping” in her own special way,

Rosie has been a pure joy, I have looked out and seen her playing with the deer, I have pulled porcupine quills out of her head, but I told her she made the best cow-icorn ever.  She’s one of the loves of our lives, she’s a rock to anchor us, she makes sure we get out everyday and most days lets me process my day with her, aloud or to myself, but I’m there in the barn with her.  She gives me the space to bring me back to myself. There has not been a minute we have not enjoyed her spirit and energy around our home, and she helps make our house, home. 

When people ask what do you have for pets? I have a list that I go through and when I get to Rosie I say, “We have a 1,200 lb dog.” 

“All My Best.” - Dr Nicole

Who is Randy?

Randy came into the world in February 2019, in the frigid cold. It was so cold that his mother was unable to get him up and dried off quickly enough before frostbite had set in. Luckily, Randy’s farmers were able to get him inside and thought out his frozen body with a hairdryer and nursed him back to health. This took about three months. While Randy has some permanent damage to his hind legs, ears, and feet, he is a healthy, wooly lamb. 

October 2019, I was having a conversation with one of Randy’s farmers about getting Miss Rosie a companion animal. As I felt she gets a little depressed in the darker months. At this time I was told all about the little frostbitten lamb, who just did not quite fit in around there “working“ farm. I do not think of myself as a farmer, I think of myself as a caretaker of all creatures in a steward of my land. So, arrangements were made to bring this 9-month-old lamb to become part of our family.

Randy was dropped off on a beautiful fall day, the air was crisp, the sky was blue and I had no idea how to care for a sheep, honestly I never even had been around sheep. He was timid during the first couple of days but wanted nothing to do with being in a barn or a pen or a companion for Miss Rosie. He was stuck to Mike and I like glue. Lester was beyond excited to have a mini-me to play with, and could not figure out why Randy could not come inside to play. 

In less than 48 hours we learned that Randy did not care about electric fences, he really wanted to eat anything but grass/hay, he loves to be fussed over, to have his chin scratched, and he let us know he was not your “ordinary sheep“. 

Fast forward, Randy has been in our lives for nine months, which in sheep parent terms “terms“ it feels like decades. The winter presented some Randy challenges, mostly convincing him he was not a house sheep, although his persistence was enough to figure out how to open the front door, the garage door...basically, any entry to the house was fair game. Calling the local hardware store asking for someone to fix your screen door, because your pet sheep just walked in, is just “normal“ these days

Spring presented an entirely new set of Randy “issues”. I have spent 14 years working on my flower gardens, they are truly a labor of love, for Randy they have been what he loves to eat! The first glimpses of the greens were tempting and tender, which he really enjoyed. The gardens that had open borders were Randy’s favorite spots to graze, the ENTIRE DAY. We spent hours trying to find the best “Randy proof” fencing, we had several failed attempts, as he would find the weakest spot and then, there he would be, grazing on daylilies and peonies. There are decorative fences, my yard-garb creations my dad made, pallets, old windows, and rocks all over the yard surrounding the gardens. While they look nice, there are a few plants Randy loves and there are extra layers of protection for them. Luckily, the vegetable garden has always been protected, from Miss Rosie as well as the neighborhood dear. Over the years I have enjoyed planting annuals and having a splash of color all over the yard, now those are simply hanging baskets as well as a couple of pots behind dog gates. Which are 100% effective if put in the exact right spot.

Randy just wants to be included in EVERY SINGLE  thing we do. He would hop in the truck and go if we let him, he never misses a walk, he is kind to every animal he meets, he watches the cats with amazement, he enjoys animal planet when he’s inside, he hangs out with the chickens, he greets the delivery people, he lets you know when it’s 6 PM (time to eat!), he loves kisses, he loves to be brushed, he loves Lester, he burps a lot, he nibbles everything, he enjoys a cool day and most of all he makes your soul happy. Randy, has bought brought an endless amount of joy to our home, we say, “No Randy” at least 20 times a day, and he will gladly nibble on your tire if you come and visit but no worries, he’s never given anyone a flat.

There has yet to be a dull moment around since we adopted Randy. Nor, has there been a reason to lock our doors before, but now we do, all because of a sheep name Randy. He’s the fluffiest, funniest creature, he thinks he’s skinny and knocks over our lawn furniture, and he sleeps on the dog bed beds. On a happy note, upon weeding my garden he will eat the entire pile of weeds which is great for me, a little less work. There are days that just Randy alone, can leave you feeling like you have been chasing 10 toddlers around all day, but in reality, it’s just been Randy touching everything. 

Randy has a very special relationship with Lester, their energy feeds off each other, and in their time together it is easy to hear each of them blaming the other for all things wrong. There is a “sheepish“ way Randy looks at Lester and calling him the “black sheep.” They are indeed a pair, and our lives will never be the same because of the two of them. We have enjoyed watching Randy’s personality flourish, we have enjoyed watching him try to be a “real sheep“, we have learned resiliency of plants and their ability to adapt to a short growing spring. We enjoy our family walks, and most of all we LOVE RANDY and all his little quirks, he fits in perfectly.

All My Best,

Dr. Nicole

My First Sign Of Spring

I’ve been waiting for the first robin of spring.

I’ve seen the water running underneath its crust of ice, mosses starting to become a brighter green, seen the ground heave and have had the frost crunch and sink under my feet. Still, I’m waiting for that first robin of spring.

I find myself inquiring if anyone else has seen this elusive sight of spring? I have received a lot of no’s and not yet, but many recall maybe that they have heard a friend make mention of it.

I go for walks, start the yearly clean-up of the backyard, and greet the sun while listening to all of the song birds, waiting to hear the robin join in…not yet, I’m still waiting, where is that first robin of spring?

It’s been warm enough to hang out laundry - twice, baby chicks and ducklings should be here next week, and the seeds that my family have planted have all germinated inside, right next to our sunniest window. There is still not a robin insight.

So, today I’ve done the animal chores, checked the email situation, made breakfast, and started to think that it maybe nice enough again to hand out some laundry, oh no I didn’t start the machine…as I walk to the laundry room and glance out the window…oh my, yes!!! There he is! I look about the house to inform everyone that it has finally happened, the robins are returning! Spring is here! There’s one in the garden! However, no one is about at this moment, it’s mine alone, a meeting of Spring just for me. I walk outside, hoping that he is still there, and he is…all in his red-breasted glory, hopping about my dormant garden.

Right now all signs of Spring are to the contrary, snow starts to spit and there are even bits of hail coming down, but I find that my soul is taking solace in this moment. The robin hops and pecks about the bark mulch bordering my garden, gives a quick chirp and a nod, then he is off. I relax and sit in the quiet of this moment, wipe the snow that’s leaving wet, cold kisses on my cheeks and know that spring is on its way.

Maybe next time the robin will be here long enough to pose for a photo, until then I await his return.

What is your sign that Spring is finally here?

Taking a Moment for Me

These past 2 weeks have been a challenging ones! I need to take a moment for myself, and let go some of the things that are on my plate. I just really needed to share that this happens to me too, as well as remind you to take time out for yourselves when things become overwhelming.

So, this week I’m sharing some of the moments that I have captured on camera. These remind me why I give to myself. So, I may enjoy the beauty that surrounds me, and remember that I am a part of it and share it with those I love.

Be Patient, Give and Accept Love, Experience the Beauty Where You Are…

…and maybe a little dream of spring…

Seek Out the Joy!

As January ends, winter has set in and the energy that surrounds us has slowed our paces considerably. Enough so we can take stock of where we are and where we would like to be going. As we have slowed we have been able to see our surroundings for what they are, and what place we have among them. To assess the tools that are at our disposal and what we have to assist ourselves in what we would like to manifest and create for ourselves.

Making plans to move forward through this year are becoming more clear as the days pass. just ask my little black sheep Randy, who has decided he is coming into the house for love and companionship, as well as going for rides in the truck to see what else is in our small part of the world (just like his “brother” Lester the Whoodle)…the universe seems to be clearing the way for the life he wants too…

What changes do you want to see in your surroundings, yourself, and your healing journey?

What tools do you have to assist in these changes?

Are you willing to do the work you need and let change happen as the universe sees fit? Or are you going to try to force things (and by the way, how’s that been going for you so far?)

These plans that we make for our hopes and dreams every year affect every aspect of our lives. Seeds are sown every spring, literally and figuratively and grow into fruition, or not depending on the tools and care that we implement. Do we accept that we need to put in the work to cultivate these outcomes? To learn, to work at things daily, and then take ownership and delight in the outcome of that daily work?

My little black sheep Randy, who despite having a foot that did not form in the normally learned how to walk, then run and then climb steps to get to a door. He didn’t stop there, he learned how to open a door with his mouth to join his best friend and brother Lester, for shenanigans in the house.

This sweet little lamb has a plan, to get inside and play (and is now attempting to also get in the truck for rides) and is willing to learn to get to where his little heart wants to be. He is opening doors to my heart, our home and possibilities for himself that I never imagined happing (okay to be honest, I may have imagined them, but not in the short span of a couple of months.)

Maybe that is a place that we can join him on his journey and start doing what we need to, to create the life we would like to have. To seek out and find our joy, make our hearts and souls happy.

Right now, at this time of year, is where we decide how we are going to move forward. Choosing our tools, creative being, and attitudes that will move us into spring.

I am sending you all love and hope you open your own doors to love, joy, happiness and compassion.

All My Best,

Dr. Nicole and Randy too!