What I Gained By Believing In Myself

I remember family vacations as a kid, I remember spending hours doing my homework in the back of my Dad’s Lincoln while we made the 15 hour drive to South Padre Island, so we could spend a week at the ocean, fishing, walking the beach, going to Mexico, getting fresh tortillas, swimming, building sand castles, life seemed so simple then. I lived for these vacations, I loved the sunshine and ocean air, looking back now, these family vacations were everything, in all honesty, I think some of trips could have been a National Lampoon’s Vacation movie!

I have lived in Maine for many years and I have been very blessed that I have friends with boats that would gladly take me anytime I want to go, but one day I decided that I want my own boat, I want to be able to get out on the water myself, I want to haul lobster traps and tour around explore the islands. This was probably one of my more ridiculous ideas, that came with endless self doubt dialogue that played over and over in my head, but I told Mike about my idea, he said, “ok, I will find you a boat.” It did not take long, maybe a week before I was backing up my truck to pick up my little lobster boat. I looked at Mike and said, “ what if I can’t do this, what if I back the boat off the ramp, what if I hit a ledge, what if... what if.... what if.....????” My ‘what if’s were really WTH did I just do, what am I doing, I can just got out on a friends boat! Mike looked at me and calmly said, “You can do anything, you want to do, I believe in you!” Those words brought back all those fishing trips with my family and my dad teaching me how to fish, watching him and remembering my dad saying, “you will never know unless you try.”

So, I come down the driveway towing a boat, which I have never really towed anything before, let alone back down a boat ramp, and don't even get me started about getting the boat off the trailer by myself!! It was September when we brought home the boat, it stayed hooked up to the truck for a few days, I actually lost sleep thinking just thinking about backing up. I live in a community of fishermen and here I am a girl from Oklahoma that now owns a lobster fishing boat.

It was a Sunday morning, I was up early, told Mike to get ready we were taking the boat for a ride, we loaded up Babs and off we went. Mike was a little confused, he did not realize I meant taking the boat for a ride, actually meant I had been up for many nights finding isolated boat ramps, on non-fishing days so I could actually practice backing down a boat ramp with my boat. We traveled an hour from home to a tiny little town called Lubec, basically it is practically Cananda, I did not want anyone, especially anyone I know to see my first attempts at backing up a trailer.

We arrived, and the fun began. Now, Mike who had supported this entire idea, really knew nothing about backing up a trailer, NOTHING. So, here we are in this town where we did not know a soul and the fun began. I went up and down that boat ramp, side ways, sometimes half straight, up and down, for an hour or more. We laughed and I was completely over thinking the whole thing, to put in perspective how long I spent backing up and down, I had put 2 miles on the odometer. It was fun, I can say I had not really grasped the concept yet, when I looked up and there was a man standing in front of my truck, he was smiling. He said, “I own this little restaurant and we have been watching you for the last hour, we have never seen someone smile so much trying to back up a trailer, please come in and let me buy you a beer, we want to hear your story!” So, I finally parked, and we no longer were strangers in this little town, I was the girl from Oklahoma with a lobster boat. I actually managed to get down the ramp once successfully before we left for the day, it was a huge accomplishment in my book!

I spent the next two months, towing my boat everywhere, I would take it to buy groceries, just to get practice driving with a trailer, I would sneak off to every different town I could find, just to back down the ramp. By November I had put on 1,000 miles “taking my boat for a ride”! It was actually a very cold day in November when I asked a friend if he would help me put the boat in the water. I was a nervous wreck, for the first time, I was backing up the boat at my town marina, with fishermen watching and I was a shaking mess, but I did it! I managed to get the boat off, go for a ride and with some help back on the trailer. I spent there rest of the winter, towing my boat around town, I went over in my mind 10,000 times how to get it off the trailer and tried to patiently wait for Spring.

In reflecting on my ridiculous idea, it truly was not so ridiculous at all. I learned a lot about myself, I learned a lot about the support of friends and community. I feel truly blessed that I live in such a beautiful place that pushed me to do something I TRULY love, I love being on the water. To this day, we still laugh about the fall I learned to tow a boat, the memories we have made will live in our hearts. This is what sets my soul on fire, this is what keeps me connected to nature, this is what grounds me. What sets your soul on fire, what drives you?

All My Best,

Dr. Nicole

Signs of Spring

I went out to do my morning barn chores this morning, and there was 3 extra inches of grass that has emerged from underneath the snow, and some of it is even green! Every morning now the grass area will get bigger as the snow recedes.

As I open up the chicken coop for the day, I hear a hen clucking, they are starting to lay again. I wonder if I will have a clutch hidden on me again this year and have baby chicks seem to pop up out of no where.

I look out at out towards the pond as I close the coop door and I realize that the Canadian geese that come every year are probably not far way now. I love when they return again to swim, explore, call to each other, and raise their young.

I pass the my garden that is laden with snow, and ponder the arrangement of veggies that I grew last year, and where they will need to go this year, and did I remember to order the last couple of seed packets that I wanted to try…

The walk way to the barn is changing from ice and snow to a bit of mud. I let Rosie the cow and Randy the sheep out for the day. Rosie will have green grass to munch instead of just hay she has had for the last few months, and soon Randy will need shearing.

The list of changes that comes with the arrival of spring runs through my head: the violets and johnny jump-ups, the cats chewing on plants started inside, the shrubs blooming, how to keep Randy from eating all the flowers, robins hopping and flying about he ground and trees, the mud that will be here for a couple of weeks, the grass that will need mowing soon after that. So many things are about to happen!

But for now I stop to inhale the smell of spring that is on the breeze, the energy that is coming from the earth as it wakes, and the possibility of life that is awaiting to “Spring” forth. I will enjoy witnessing each of these things in there own time. Until then the excitement of the Earth awakening resides in me as well.

What are you waiting to see or feel this spring?

All My Best,

Dr. Nicole

20 Hawks

Ever have a time when a few chapters in your life where everything feels stagnant? No matter how much you try to meditate, try to change your surroundings, fight off the urge to run, basically just try to see things differently, just to feel something that is different than the “funk” surrounding you, the “funk” that is within you? It is difficult to sit with your own energy, especially when the world around us feels like a slow hamster wheel.

I have been lost many times along my way, and while I do manage to spend time every single day outside due to the needs of my animals I don’t always take enough time to just be in my surroundings, soaking in the messages from nature.

Have you ever been traveling somewhere and seen a bird, deer, dragonfly or raccoon? Did you ever take a moment to think in that the exact moment about the message that came along with seeing that animal? Being present in the moment is the best way to allow your energy to be open to receive the spiritual gifts that are presenting themselves to you.

Last month, the energy during Mercury Retrograde was heavy for some, almost feel like having blinders on, or basically treading water. It was during this time spirit reminded me to take time to be in my surroundings, to “see” what animals and messages that where coming my way.

It was a random day of the week, it felt no different than any other day, except I noticed a hawk sitting in a tree. All of a sudden my heart felt lighter. I felt my energy shift, as hawks represent the ability to use intuition and higher vision in order to complete tasks or make important decisions. Within an hour and a half, I had seen 14 hawks, and by the time the sunset, I had seen a total of 20.

Up until that day, I had been feeling stuck. These bird messengers gifted me with a new perspective, a sense of clarity and a big hug from the spirit world and beyond that there is never a moment my soul is left alone. It was extremely powerful, and a reminder to be present, to keep you heart open and be willing to be uncomfortable in your own skin, for it is a way to shed off a few energetical layers to reveal something new.

While I have my own spirit animal through my shamanic work, every encounter I have is a message from the spirit world and is gifting me a piece of wisdom I need to have in my life. Take a deep breath, ask for help when you need, look around and you will be surprised what you see.

The Love That You Are

This month the theme of love and the shining of our light that carries our love has been a theme, and how very timely this theme has been. I also mentioned, sometimes the love that surrounds us is hard to see, but really love is always with you. Some of us love ourselves implicitly, some of us love passionately everyone around us, but forget ourselves. Some days we are both of these people. Either way we benefit when we give ourselves time, attention and our own love.

You know that I love to be outside no matter the season, to have the sun on my face, my feet on the ground and surrounded by animals. Here I can close my eyes and come back to myself, remember the love that I am, and that I have for myself. It is these beautiful moments like this that I would like to be able to help you with, to find or remember that place within yourself where your sun shines, where you can ground yourself and be the part of nature and love that you are.

To do this, I have a few suggestions for a meditation for finding a place of peace to look inward, towards your heart and finding love there. A love for yourself and the grace to receive it unconditionally. Your heart holds the light that allows you to see the Love That You Are.

Where do you feel the most relaxed and at peace? What are your ideal circumstances for comfort, healing and safety? Can you physically be there? If so, great! If not, making yourself comfortable and envisioning yourself there is a wonderful place to be as well.

Please start with getting to your space and getting comfortable. Take three deep breaths and start to notice your surroundings. Slowly ask yourself: What do you see? What do you hear? Do other senses come into play? Make sure to acknowledge and enjoy what brings you this ability to ground and enjoy the calm and peace that surrounds you.

When you have settled into this place take notice of in what part of your body does this awareness take place? On your skin? In your mind? In your heart?

Let’s try to bring that awareness to your heart. Bring the peace, warmth and contentment you have in this space to your heart. This may take some practice. If you need to place your hand over your heart to start with, just bring one aspect of what you are feeling there. In time more will follow. This is where the light of your love shines, it shines right there within you. This love is for you and it is you. Take your time there, getting to know this love and that it is really you. Let it spread throughout your body as your heart beats, let it grow, let it fill you, and let it spill over into the world.

Welcome your love back to yourself, welcome yourself back to yourself.

Carry this light within you where ever you are or go, and remember these sensations of love for what they are, You! The more you visualize and remember who you are, the easier it is to hold this understanding and bring it forth.

I do this daily, as there are many distractions in this world that can make it easy to forget to remember myself, and as many teachers say, on the days where I don’t have time, I do it twice.

All My Best,

Dr. Nicole