gratitude

She Lived Her Best Life

Lived Her Best Life.


I still remember like it was yesterday, the day our friends asked if Mike and I would be Rosie’s Retirement home.  It was a little over 8 years ago, to the day, she came to live down on Back Bay. 


Rosie was bought at an auction, before she was a year old, no one really knows her story or her age, but from the day her first family brought her home, she became ‘The Princess’.  She was loved and cared for by a beautiful family, that had three little girls and Rosie was the center of their world.  Over the years Rosie gave birth to 4 calves, as well as an endless abundance of milk to many families.  As the girls grew older, farming was not a priority as the girls were leaving home, Rosie was aging and they were hopeful we would say yes.


Mike and I looked endlessly for the right barn, hours of thought went into how to make a suitable retirement home for the old girl.  We found the perfect barn (her castle) with the help of friends we were able to make our field suitable for a princess.  


The day finally arrived, Rosie was arriving, I was nervous.  A year before, I decided to get chickens, which Mike always said, ‘chickens are the gateway to livestock’!!  Well, here we are, just like that, we are farmers.  What could possibly go wrong??  I am pretty sure the neighbors all thought I was crazy (I am, just a little), we were going to have a pet cow.  


Rosie settled in quickly, she was approximately 10 at the time, she was full of life, she would run and frolic down through the field, rub up against all the sappy trees, eat all the green grass she could find.  Over the years she had a routine, every morning you would see her standing down in the field watching the sunrise.  Rosie was a presence, she was solid, she was pure magic.  It is easy looking back and realizing that she would always life live on her terms, which I will call complete stubbornness, (I personally understand, stubborn).  She was going to have it her way, ALL THE TIME.  She LOVED attention and our world revolved around her. 


She loved parties, she loved kids, she loved having everyone over to see her magical kingdom.   The Garden Club would come spend the day, they would paint watercolors of her in her barn, feed her romaine lettuce and kale, while surrounded by chickens, birds, butterflies, deer, she was the magic piece that made our property ‘heaven on earth’.  


Over the years Mike and Miss Rosie had a very special relationship, he adored her and the feeling was 100% mutual. He would clean her barn, she would throw around the wheel barrow, she would stand endlessly in his way, he would try to have conversations about why she needed to keep out of his way, but she never really listened, and he knew she would not.  Rosie had a way of ‘knowing’ who was coming down the driveway, and it never failed, the minute Mike was home, she was waiting at the gate for him. Every evening Mike would take her out 4 pink lady apples (her favorite) and he would brush her, there was nothing better than having her coat groomed by the man she loved. 


Rosie was known for only eating ‘approved’ hay, and I assure you, we traveled far to get the hay that she would eat.  I had brought home enough ‘unaccpetable’ bales of hay, that she would go a week without touching what was there, if anyone ever wondered if a cow can give a ‘stink-eye’, YES, YES they can. 


Having a #1100 pet also comes with a few complications.  While Rosie was mostly respectful of the fence, which was basically pretty ribbons that held her in, periodically I would have to turn the electric on, once she figured out there was green grass up the road, she would wander the neighborhood.  She loved visiting the neighbors, she loved nibbling their apple trees, sometimes I think she was looking for love, and sometimes she would just like to leave free fertilizer around.  A few mornings, I would get a random text that Rosie was sleeping on their lawn, or I would look out and someone was walking her home.  Usually, once a year I would get a call at work as Rosie was spotted on snap chat visiting the neighbors barn, and I would rush out of work leaving a patient on my table to get Rosie back home.  She was special, she was funny and she was going to always have it on her terms. One summer morning, when I went to say good morning, she had about 20 porcupine quills sticking right out of the top of her head!!!! ( A cowicorn!!)  I spent the day feeding her apples, and chasing her around with pliers, at the end of the day, I avoided an embarrassing call to the vet!! 


Rosie had a daily routine, in the summer she would lay in one spot down in the field, I always said, “that is her power spot, she's charging the earth”, over the years she had worn the spot bare.  She would meet the sunrise every morning, and her coat would glow orange the second the sun hit her.  She had the most beautiful brown eyes, and in the midst of fall, the black on her face was shaped as a beautiful heart, you could just feel her love by looking at her, it made you feel alive. We should all feel that alive. Although, a few of our trees, that she loved to landscape did not feel alive by the time she was done, we learned to love her attention to detail and tree trimming. She loved our family walks, she loved snacks, she would always amuse us and let Lester take her rope, she just accepted this was part of deal, you just feel how much she loved the two little ‘black sheep’. She was the energy that brought us all together, she was pure love. 


I noticed over the summer, she was starting to slow down, she was starting to look more ‘hippy’ and elderly.  In all honesty, there was always a part of me, that worried about her through the winter.  In the last couple of weeks, she knocked down the fence, roamed the neighborhood, pruned some trees, went for walks, ate plenty of apples, then she decided she was tired.  


In her last week, she hung out in her barn, surrounded by us, Lester and Randy did not leave her side.  As Rosie always made sure life was on her terms, she decided it was her time to go.  It was a very, very hard week, it made me question all the things in my life, reminded me life is short. I spent nights with her in the barn, in the brutal cold, discussing the meaning of life.  I sat with her, knowing she was in charge, I was just holding space for her, this time I will cherish for the rest of my life.  Rosie went to heaven on 12/01/2021, she went peacefully, she was never in distress, she spent her last day soaking up the sunshine with the boys laying right by her, heaven put on a beautiful display for her, as rainbows were glowing next to the sun, she was loved by all the divine.  I have cried many tears, happy tears. 


In reflecting on her life, it was such an honor to give her a place where she could live out her life.  She allowed me to be in her presence, know exactly what it feels like to experience unconditional love and know the gentleness of God’s creatures. She brought life to our home, she could make you smile with her goofy ways.  She was a complete diva, she was a princess.  She will forever hold a very special place in my heart, as I loved sharing her with the world, I love she touched so many lives, she was and always will be the anchor in my life to guide me back to the simple things. Sunshine, green grass, be present in each moment and share your love with the world. Rosie taught me, just to be me, shine no matter what. Thank you for reminding me to enjoy the sunrise every single day.  She was joy, she was love, she was sunshine on a cloudy day. We laid her to rest, in her ‘power spot’, she will forever be remembered in our hearts, the love she shared will forever be a part of my soul.  Your physical presence will be forever missed, but your energy will live on. 


Thank you all for being part of our lives and loving Rosie, and sharing her love.  I promise you, she would love every single one of you. 


“You can’t skip chapters, that is not how life works. You have to read every line, meet every character. You won’t enjoy all of it.  Hell, some chapters will make you cry for weeks. You will read things you don't want to read, you will have moments when you don't want the pages to end. But you have to keep going.  Stories keep the world revolving.  Live yours, don't miss out.” ~unknown 



“Let all that you do be done in love” 

 1 Corinthians 16:14


The Body Knows How to Heal Itself, Are You Listening?

These days, I am out in nature everyday. I watch, listen and meditate in outside everyday. I watch, walk and run about with my animals. Slower than the little dog who flies, maybe a little faster than (at times) the sheep who checks out what grasses are tasty along the way. This is where I am doing most of my healing these days. My heart these days, is very full, and I am very grateful!

In reading these words, you can assume this has not where I have always been. A couple of years ago I fell on the ice and hit my head. This resulted in a concussion and a lot of physical healing of my brain was needed. As as often times as it must be in this universe, this also went hand in hand with healing of my mind and soul as well.

Today, my brain is healed physically, however allowing this to become the priority, giving it time to heal was harder than I ever thought it would be. I had to slow down, I had to give it time, I had to rest. I had to give up things that gave me joy.

That winter when I first fell, I could not play tennis, my winter exercise and stress relief, no longer an option. I needed to work less hours, and I was exploring expanding my business, reaching more people to help and fulfill my calling. How was this going to work? Um, no I have employees and people that where counting on me. I cannot let all of these people down…obviously I was supposed to overcome it all, right?

So, i pushed on through. I nourished my body, however I may have glossed over the need to rest my mind and tend to my soul after this injury. Physically, I attempted to do everything as I always had (how else would I take care of my body, home and animals), mentally things where a struggle and tending to my soul happened in spurts when I found time and was able to focus, which sadly was not often. Things got done, I got tired, things grew, i got more tired, a year went by I did not change, I was exhausted…I was keeping myself healthy enough to do what needed to get done…right?

The next winter, I was out shoveling snow and fell, hit my head and…

People the universe is going to keep giving you the same lesson until you get it! No matter who you are. This time, it was more serious, and I did not have a option to “push through it.” This time self-care was not an option. Healing was not something I was going to be able to dictate the course of. My body needed rest, my mind needed rest, and my soul demanded rest.

I needed to give up all of the ways that I had always “managed” stress, my businesses and obligations. I have to say, that things really have gone differently than I have ever imagined they would. AND THIS IS OKAY! Patience, Trust, love and self-care have been the outcome of this lesson. These are now things that I make sure are part of my day. Some days it is easy to remember and incorporate, some days are a total fail. I’m still learning and walking my path. I am healing, and become more whole with everyday that passes. However, there is more appreciation, gratitude, and love to be found everywhere.

I know you may of your wish for quicker healing, healing of certain aspects before others or just want to push (force) through. Please, please, please be patient, trust you are on the right path, and give yourself the care and love you deserve.

So remember, you are right where you need to be, your body is working as hard as it can healing your physical self where your need it first. Your body knows where and how much energy to devote to healing itself in order of need for it to work to its’ highest good. It is important that you allow healing to go in the order that needs to. Trust your body to get it right. Let go of the thinking patterns that you know the route to heal successfully. Just envision yourself in the state of health that you want to be in and trust your body to get you there. Give your body the right foods and nourishment, have patience with yourself, slow down and give yourself the time you need to heal, and do things that truly give you joy, you will know what they are when you realize how grateful you are for them each day.

I hope your heart is full at the end of the day.

All My Best,

Dr. Nicole

IMG_4968.jpeg

Speaking To Yourself From a Place of Love

As I exhale I see the steam that my breath is making in air and it becomes enveloped in the snow that is falling. I close my eyes and lift my face so the snowflakes melt on my face. This is beautiful, and I am part of this. That feeling of connection builds gratitude, love, and self-belonging. Seeing myself as part of nature validates me, feeds my soul and fills my heart. It heals me from the inside to know that I am not separate or alone in this world. I am connected to the earth and I am a part of it.

As I stand here the snow is creating that sound damping effect, making things more muted, letting me look inwards at myself. Here I give myself a moment for introspection. Hey lovely, how’s it going? How are you feeling? What do you need? How are we going to use this day for your highest good?

I keep my communication with myself honest, but self-deprecation is not allowed, worry is not allowed, “I can’t” is not allowed. Some days are profound and filled with motivation and results. Some days it’s just the basic needs that get met. However, it is all done from the same place, from a place of love and respect for myself. Remember that communication with yourself is speaking and listening! Every day is different, however coming from a place of love every day is profound to your healing, mind, and soul.

Today I needed the earth beneath my feet, to breath the fresh air, to watch a dog and sheep play and to know that my home is warm to welcome me home. Most of all I needed to know I am part of that cold, that fun, and that warmth. This fills my heart and soul with the joy, love, and energy I need to do my work.

What quiets your mind?

What speaks to your soul?

What makes your heart happy?

And how much easier would it be if you talked to your self only from a place of love and healing?

Please take your time and practice giving yourself the love you need every day. It will get easier every day, bigger every day and more authentic every day.

All My Best,

Dr. Nicole

Lester being one with the snow!

Lester being one with the snow!