She Lived Her Best Life

Lived Her Best Life.

I still remember like it was yesterday, the day our friends asked if Mike and I would be Rosie’s Retirement home.  It was a little over 8 years ago, to the day, she came to live down on Back Bay. 

Rosie was bought at an auction, before she was a year old, no one really knows her story or her age, but from the day her first family brought her home, she became ‘The Princess’.  She was loved and cared for by a beautiful family, that had three little girls and Rosie was the center of their world.  Over the years Rosie gave birth to 4 calves, as well as an endless abundance of milk to many families.  As the girls grew older, farming was not a priority as the girls were leaving home, Rosie was aging and they were hopeful we would say yes.

Mike and I looked endlessly for the right barn, hours of thought went into how to make a suitable retirement home for the old girl.  We found the perfect barn (her castle) with the help of friends we were able to make our field suitable for a princess.  

The day finally arrived, Rosie was arriving, I was nervous.  A year before, I decided to get chickens, which Mike always said, ‘chickens are the gateway to livestock’!!  Well, here we are, just like that, we are farmers.  What could possibly go wrong??  I am pretty sure the neighbors all thought I was crazy (I am, just a little), we were going to have a pet cow.  

Rosie settled in quickly, she was approximately 10 at the time, she was full of life, she would run and frolic down through the field, rub up against all the sappy trees, eat all the green grass she could find.  Over the years she had a routine, every morning you would see her standing down in the field watching the sunrise.  Rosie was a presence, she was solid, she was pure magic.  It is easy looking back and realizing that she would always life live on her terms, which I will call complete stubbornness, (I personally understand, stubborn).  She was going to have it her way, ALL THE TIME.  She LOVED attention and our world revolved around her. 

She loved parties, she loved kids, she loved having everyone over to see her magical kingdom.   The Garden Club would come spend the day, they would paint watercolors of her in her barn, feed her romaine lettuce and kale, while surrounded by chickens, birds, butterflies, deer, she was the magic piece that made our property ‘heaven on earth’.  

Over the years Mike and Miss Rosie had a very special relationship, he adored her and the feeling was 100% mutual. He would clean her barn, she would throw around the wheel barrow, she would stand endlessly in his way, he would try to have conversations about why she needed to keep out of his way, but she never really listened, and he knew she would not.  Rosie had a way of ‘knowing’ who was coming down the driveway, and it never failed, the minute Mike was home, she was waiting at the gate for him. Every evening Mike would take her out 4 pink lady apples (her favorite) and he would brush her, there was nothing better than having her coat groomed by the man she loved. 

Rosie was known for only eating ‘approved’ hay, and I assure you, we traveled far to get the hay that she would eat.  I had brought home enough ‘unaccpetable’ bales of hay, that she would go a week without touching what was there, if anyone ever wondered if a cow can give a ‘stink-eye’, YES, YES they can. 

Having a #1100 pet also comes with a few complications.  While Rosie was mostly respectful of the fence, which was basically pretty ribbons that held her in, periodically I would have to turn the electric on, once she figured out there was green grass up the road, she would wander the neighborhood.  She loved visiting the neighbors, she loved nibbling their apple trees, sometimes I think she was looking for love, and sometimes she would just like to leave free fertilizer around.  A few mornings, I would get a random text that Rosie was sleeping on their lawn, or I would look out and someone was walking her home.  Usually, once a year I would get a call at work as Rosie was spotted on snap chat visiting the neighbors barn, and I would rush out of work leaving a patient on my table to get Rosie back home.  She was special, she was funny and she was going to always have it on her terms. One summer morning, when I went to say good morning, she had about 20 porcupine quills sticking right out of the top of her head!!!! ( A cowicorn!!)  I spent the day feeding her apples, and chasing her around with pliers, at the end of the day, I avoided an embarrassing call to the vet!! 

Rosie had a daily routine, in the summer she would lay in one spot down in the field, I always said, “that is her power spot, she's charging the earth”, over the years she had worn the spot bare.  She would meet the sunrise every morning, and her coat would glow orange the second the sun hit her.  She had the most beautiful brown eyes, and in the midst of fall, the black on her face was shaped as a beautiful heart, you could just feel her love by looking at her, it made you feel alive. We should all feel that alive. Although, a few of our trees, that she loved to landscape did not feel alive by the time she was done, we learned to love her attention to detail and tree trimming. She loved our family walks, she loved snacks, she would always amuse us and let Lester take her rope, she just accepted this was part of deal, you just feel how much she loved the two little ‘black sheep’. She was the energy that brought us all together, she was pure love. 

I noticed over the summer, she was starting to slow down, she was starting to look more ‘hippy’ and elderly.  In all honesty, there was always a part of me, that worried about her through the winter.  In the last couple of weeks, she knocked down the fence, roamed the neighborhood, pruned some trees, went for walks, ate plenty of apples, then she decided she was tired.  

In her last week, she hung out in her barn, surrounded by us, Lester and Randy did not leave her side.  As Rosie always made sure life was on her terms, she decided it was her time to go.  It was a very, very hard week, it made me question all the things in my life, reminded me life is short. I spent nights with her in the barn, in the brutal cold, discussing the meaning of life.  I sat with her, knowing she was in charge, I was just holding space for her, this time I will cherish for the rest of my life.  Rosie went to heaven on 12/01/2021, she went peacefully, she was never in distress, she spent her last day soaking up the sunshine with the boys laying right by her, heaven put on a beautiful display for her, as rainbows were glowing next to the sun, she was loved by all the divine.  I have cried many tears, happy tears. 

In reflecting on her life, it was such an honor to give her a place where she could live out her life.  She allowed me to be in her presence, know exactly what it feels like to experience unconditional love and know the gentleness of God’s creatures. She brought life to our home, she could make you smile with her goofy ways.  She was a complete diva, she was a princess.  She will forever hold a very special place in my heart, as I loved sharing her with the world, I love she touched so many lives, she was and always will be the anchor in my life to guide me back to the simple things. Sunshine, green grass, be present in each moment and share your love with the world. Rosie taught me, just to be me, shine no matter what. Thank you for reminding me to enjoy the sunrise every single day.  She was joy, she was love, she was sunshine on a cloudy day. We laid her to rest, in her ‘power spot’, she will forever be remembered in our hearts, the love she shared will forever be a part of my soul.  Your physical presence will be forever missed, but your energy will live on. 

Thank you all for being part of our lives and loving Rosie, and sharing her love.  I promise you, she would love every single one of you. 

“You can’t skip chapters, that is not how life works. You have to read every line, meet every character. You won’t enjoy all of it.  Hell, some chapters will make you cry for weeks. You will read things you don't want to read, you will have moments when you don't want the pages to end. But you have to keep going.  Stories keep the world revolving.  Live yours, don't miss out.” ~unknown 

“Let all that you do be done in love” 

 1 Corinthians 16:14

Spring Growth

Watching nature bring back all of life’s colors and start the cycle of growth is a most magical thing to witness. The ground paints itself green one blade of grass at time, then you notice that the green is reaching out to the sun and growing closer to it. Buds on trees swell and start to crack open, letting you see their hints of whites, yellows and greens. Some hardy bulbs shoot forth their flowers even while snow still coats the ground. I think that they cheer on the other flowers who are more hesitant to peek out and see what is going on, letting them know that the time is near.

Here in the northeast, winter holds on a bit tighter, and we get a little impatient for the first spring greens to show. Sometimes, we need to create a little bit of spring life inside, to grow the tender seedlings, so they might have the amount of time that they need to grow and bear fruit in our gardens. We then need to tend them, giving them more soil and bigger containers to continue to grow while the weather outside is too cold, and windy for them to live.

As the temperatures rise and things get warmer, and the winds relent just a bit, we take our little plants outside for a few hours each day. To let them experience the wind and slowly allow the plants to become strong to be able to stand within it. To let them feel the sun, to be able to process it’s energy into the nutrients that it needs, allowing all the cells to slowly learn to work successfully, without getting burned. Then, we give them a break, bring them inside to rest and then start again the next day. After a week or so of this transition, they are able to stay outside and are ready to be planted (I am impatiently waiting for this time right now, but for us it could well be another month.)

Starting inside, giving nutrition, tending to needs, allowing things to build and learn to work properly, resting, being patient…

I didn’t start out to write a metaphor at all, I wanted to share my love of watching spring build life… I guess I did a bit of that too.

Maybe take some time to sit out in nature for a bit, just being in it and a part of it. See how you feel when you are touching the earth and taking in a bit of that energy from the sun and then, go back in and rest when you have need of it. There will be so much more to come when we are prepared and ready for it.

All My Best.

Seek Out the Joy!

As January ends, winter has set in and the energy that surrounds us has slowed our paces considerably. Enough so we can take stock of where we are and where we would like to be going. As we have slowed we have been able to see our surroundings for what they are, and what place we have among them. To assess the tools that are at our disposal and what we have to assist ourselves in what we would like to manifest and create for ourselves.

Making plans to move forward through this year are becoming more clear as the days pass. just ask my little black sheep Randy, who has decided he is coming into the house for love and companionship, as well as going for rides in the truck to see what else is in our small part of the world (just like his “brother” Lester the Whoodle)…the universe seems to be clearing the way for the life he wants too…

What changes do you want to see in your surroundings, yourself, and your healing journey?

What tools do you have to assist in these changes?

Are you willing to do the work you need and let change happen as the universe sees fit? Or are you going to try to force things (and by the way, how’s that been going for you so far?)

These plans that we make for our hopes and dreams every year affect every aspect of our lives. Seeds are sown every spring, literally and figuratively and grow into fruition, or not depending on the tools and care that we implement. Do we accept that we need to put in the work to cultivate these outcomes? To learn, to work at things daily, and then take ownership and delight in the outcome of that daily work?

My little black sheep Randy, who despite having a foot that did not form in the normally learned how to walk, then run and then climb steps to get to a door. He didn’t stop there, he learned how to open a door with his mouth to join his best friend and brother Lester, for shenanigans in the house.

This sweet little lamb has a plan, to get inside and play (and is now attempting to also get in the truck for rides) and is willing to learn to get to where his little heart wants to be. He is opening doors to my heart, our home and possibilities for himself that I never imagined happing (okay to be honest, I may have imagined them, but not in the short span of a couple of months.)

Maybe that is a place that we can join him on his journey and start doing what we need to, to create the life we would like to have. To seek out and find our joy, make our hearts and souls happy.

Right now, at this time of year, is where we decide how we are going to move forward. Choosing our tools, creative being, and attitudes that will move us into spring.

I am sending you all love and hope you open your own doors to love, joy, happiness and compassion.

All My Best,

Dr. Nicole and Randy too!

The Body Knows How to Heal Itself, Are You Listening?

These days, I am out in nature everyday. I watch, listen and meditate in outside everyday. I watch, walk and run about with my animals. Slower than the little dog who flies, maybe a little faster than (at times) the sheep who checks out what grasses are tasty along the way. This is where I am doing most of my healing these days. My heart these days, is very full, and I am very grateful!

In reading these words, you can assume this has not where I have always been. A couple of years ago I fell on the ice and hit my head. This resulted in a concussion and a lot of physical healing of my brain was needed. As as often times as it must be in this universe, this also went hand in hand with healing of my mind and soul as well.

Today, my brain is healed physically, however allowing this to become the priority, giving it time to heal was harder than I ever thought it would be. I had to slow down, I had to give it time, I had to rest. I had to give up things that gave me joy.

That winter when I first fell, I could not play tennis, my winter exercise and stress relief, no longer an option. I needed to work less hours, and I was exploring expanding my business, reaching more people to help and fulfill my calling. How was this going to work? Um, no I have employees and people that where counting on me. I cannot let all of these people down…obviously I was supposed to overcome it all, right?

So, i pushed on through. I nourished my body, however I may have glossed over the need to rest my mind and tend to my soul after this injury. Physically, I attempted to do everything as I always had (how else would I take care of my body, home and animals), mentally things where a struggle and tending to my soul happened in spurts when I found time and was able to focus, which sadly was not often. Things got done, I got tired, things grew, i got more tired, a year went by I did not change, I was exhausted…I was keeping myself healthy enough to do what needed to get done…right?

The next winter, I was out shoveling snow and fell, hit my head and…

People the universe is going to keep giving you the same lesson until you get it! No matter who you are. This time, it was more serious, and I did not have a option to “push through it.” This time self-care was not an option. Healing was not something I was going to be able to dictate the course of. My body needed rest, my mind needed rest, and my soul demanded rest.

I needed to give up all of the ways that I had always “managed” stress, my businesses and obligations. I have to say, that things really have gone differently than I have ever imagined they would. AND THIS IS OKAY! Patience, Trust, love and self-care have been the outcome of this lesson. These are now things that I make sure are part of my day. Some days it is easy to remember and incorporate, some days are a total fail. I’m still learning and walking my path. I am healing, and become more whole with everyday that passes. However, there is more appreciation, gratitude, and love to be found everywhere.

I know you may of your wish for quicker healing, healing of certain aspects before others or just want to push (force) through. Please, please, please be patient, trust you are on the right path, and give yourself the care and love you deserve.

So remember, you are right where you need to be, your body is working as hard as it can healing your physical self where your need it first. Your body knows where and how much energy to devote to healing itself in order of need for it to work to its’ highest good. It is important that you allow healing to go in the order that needs to. Trust your body to get it right. Let go of the thinking patterns that you know the route to heal successfully. Just envision yourself in the state of health that you want to be in and trust your body to get you there. Give your body the right foods and nourishment, have patience with yourself, slow down and give yourself the time you need to heal, and do things that truly give you joy, you will know what they are when you realize how grateful you are for them each day.

I hope your heart is full at the end of the day.

All My Best,

Dr. Nicole

Give the Gift of a Moment to Yourself

When was the last time you took a moment for yourself? When was the last time you stopped and listened to what your internal needs are?

Not, what am I going to put on, in and around myself. Not, selecting supplements, foods, exercising, or dressing for the day’s requirements.

A moment to say hello to yourself, to check in with yourself, to love yourself for your own sake, for your own soul.

This does not take a meditation practice, an enormous amount of time, or need the eloquence of the perfect mantra.

It just takes positive intention, honesty, and a moment. Just take a moment to be completely honest with yourself. It is harder than you think, so allow yourself to sit for a minute and ask what your true needs are at this time.

Just a hey, you’re important, you’re worthy, you’re loved.

Find a spot you feel you feel comfortable with yourself for 5-10, can be inside or outside, even right where you are when you remember, oh yes, time for me!

Take a few deep breaths and visualize your healthiest, most vibrant self and give yourself the love and joy of that moment. Repeat as needed. Repeat again as needed. Remember it only takes a moment to give yourself, a little self-love, reassurance and an internal high five!! High five is a good way to remind yourself, YOU ARE DOING THIS!!

All My Best,

Dr. Nicole

Having a Heart

Life is a journey that has amazing highs and lows upon its path. As we travel, each of us carry our strengths, wounds, and badges of courage.  The stories that have been created from our experiences are filled with endless moments of heart filling joy, to the complete collapse of heartbreak.  I do not usually share too much about myself, as my days are filled with my work of helping others, but lessons are learned and things are forever changing.  Over the years I too have made choices that make me feel the emotions that run the gambit of the human experience. There is not one single experience that I have walked away from, and not learned something more of myself...this is one of those stories.

Six years ago, I was in the process of looking for a dog to adopt. I had recently lost my old guy and his companionship.  I had been looking on and off at dogs, and one day out of the blue I found a little cocker spaniel that had just been turned into a rescue in the Georgia.  I immediately knew, “she was the one”. I did not waste a single minute getting my information submitted for adoption.

After 3 long weeks of waiting the day arrived to pick up this little angel. The day of waiting was spent being a tourist in southern Maine.  While wondering the Kennebunkport beach, where coincidentally enough Barbara “Babs” Bush was walking her dogs. I stopped to chat with her briefly and petted her dogs, it was oddly a pivotal point in the day.

Two hours later, I was waiting to meet the transport van to meet this little angel that needed a home.  There she was scared and frightened. With my eyes full of tears, I scooped her up, took the pile of papers that was offered and headed off home to Downeast Maine. Little did I know of the changes that were about to take place in my life.

About the time I hit a toll booth I realized I didn’t have a single dollar in my car to pay the toll.  I found .52 cents, so I figured that I will just have to tell them this is what I have. I was already crying when I pulled up to the window at the toll booth and the man said, “Have a great day, the car in front of you paid your $1 toll!”  I never forgot that, and I could not pay it forward that day, but every time I have traveled through that toll booth, I always pay an extra $1 because of that day.

Upon arriving home, I was tired, with a tired little dog in my arms. I sorted through the pile of papers that I was given.  What I discovered is that this little dog had a good life, been extremely loved and was just sad owner circumstances that led to her being surrendered.  I was reading through 4 years of previous history when I came across her birthday... This little dog and I share the SAME birthday. My heart burst, tears ran down my face, my entire world changed in that moment, and the little dog that became known as Babs, and changed my entire outlook on life.

Babs and I have had many crazy adventures. She became my constant companion, my heart and my life was full. We walked, we hiked, kayaked, and played in the snow.  She took care of me and I cared for her. As life goes, you never know what the future holds, and changes take place. Babs started slowing down, but you could still feel the love come from her. She greeted patients at my office, and spread her love and joy all around, she just makes your heart smile.

A few years ago Babs was diagnosed with an enlarged heart due to congestive heart failure. My heart was broken, but I knew that the dog that loves so much would have a huge heart, but this was devastating.  I of course, looked at every possibility of “fixing” it, “treating” it. I tried to allow myself the ability to trust his as part of my life lessons.

Little did I know it would be one of the toughest, and most rewarding chapters in my life.  I consulted many vets, natural vets, holistic vets, hours on the internet, chinese healers, the list was endless. After much research and really listening to my heart, I opted to treat Babs as holistically and as naturally as possible. Over the past year and a half, I have had little sleep, many hours of worrying, many nights crying, making poor health choices for myself, complete exhaustion at times, but to this day, Babs is still here, doing her thing.  She is slow, she still is the presence of pure love.

So, why is this all so important? How did this little dog save my life?  In the past two years, I have felt lost, lonely, and scared. I have had to dig deep in my well to get through some days, while still continuing my healing practice.  What I have learned about my own heart, by taking such good care of hers? I learned that it is okay to be vulnerable and weak, it is okay to admit when I am sad, and it is okay to withdraw to spend time for healing myself.

A part of many journeys we take in life is getting lost, and I have from time to time. However, I get up every day and give Babs a snuggle and let her know how much she is loved. During this process I realized in caring for loved ones, it is easy to neglect ourselves and we can very easily feel empty, EMPTY AND LOST.  It can be hard to let others fill our cup, realizing what is being offered to us, what is available to assist us, and having the courage to ask for it. This chapter of my life, while it’s been really tough, it has truly been the most fulfilling it because while taking care of Babs’ heart, I started caring for mine too.  I don’t necessarily mean that I have everything totally worked out for myself, but I have started taking care of those emotions that are so easy to bury and ignore. My journey is moving forward again! Thank you Babs for allowing me to love you so deeply, so freely, thank you for loving me so genuinely, that I have remembered to love myself again.  I did not realize I had gotten lost, but because of you and your amazing heart, I can truly love myself again. The day I rescued you, the moment I found out we shared the same birthday, you really rescued me.

During your journey, you will get lost, get scared and when this occurs remember to breathe.   A lot of prayer a lot of blind faith can move mountains. In helping others along the way be open and listen to your heart, it is truly talking to you, it is giving you a view into your own heart and how to love yourself.  In loving yourself, you will find your authentic self and unleash your true potential. It is in our hearts, not our minds, where divine energy resides. Heart energy expands and can be felt by those all around you when you allow yourself to experience self love.