Coming Back to Myself

Hello Everyone!

Sorry, for long absence of me writing to you here. I have started numerous blog posts, some with what I felt to be profound words, that turned into mush halfway through and then thoughts became so jumbled I could not get them down on paper... So, finally I awoke this morning with some clarity. Please, be patient as I once again transcribe thoughts and feelings in my head into writing.

Time has flown by, this last year seems like a blur. If I had a feelings chart, you know one of those that you put on your refrigerator to help identify what a person is going through at the moment, I would definitely have cycled through EVERY single emotion, EVERY day. While trying to navigate though the constant stream of emotions, I thought my physical day had not changed much, in retrospect it has indeed changed. Life has changed. Perhaps it was just denial or trying to remain calm, life has shifted into a new paradigm.

While talking with a now, new stay-at-home mom, who is trying to navigate “at home learning” while still maintaining her sanity, our conversation was interrupted by her child and she asked, “Why are you not on with your teacher? You need to be on the computer with your teacher...” Directions where given and our conversation continued. Not two minutes later this mom was asking, “Why are you in your Captain America costume? You need to get back on the computer with your teacher...” It was in this moment I realized we are all navigating life in our own special way.

While we are in challenging, frustrating and nerve wracking times, remember there is truly an immense amount of LOVE and UNDERSTANDING as every single one of us have our struggles with this new paradigm. Remember all of your feelings are valid, and need to be worked through. When you need to, take a moment to breathe, scream in a pillow, cry in your safe space, get outside or whatever you need to do in the movement. Feel it, acknowledge it and then let it go.

As many of you know I LOVE WINTER! So, regardless of the cold and snow, I get outside. I recommend this to everyone. Spending time in nature is the only thing that brings me back to myself, but I may invest in a Captain America costume to bring me that joy, or maybe dress up Randy.

All My Best,

Dr. Nicole

Taking a Moment for Me

These past 2 weeks have been a challenging ones! I need to take a moment for myself, and let go some of the things that are on my plate. I just really needed to share that this happens to me too, as well as remind you to take time out for yourselves when things become overwhelming.

So, this week I’m sharing some of the moments that I have captured on camera. These remind me why I give to myself. So, I may enjoy the beauty that surrounds me, and remember that I am a part of it and share it with those I love.

Be Patient, Give and Accept Love, Experience the Beauty Where You Are…

…and maybe a little dream of spring…

Speaking To Yourself From a Place of Love

As I exhale I see the steam that my breath is making in air and it becomes enveloped in the snow that is falling. I close my eyes and lift my face so the snowflakes melt on my face. This is beautiful, and I am part of this. That feeling of connection builds gratitude, love, and self-belonging. Seeing myself as part of nature validates me, feeds my soul and fills my heart. It heals me from the inside to know that I am not separate or alone in this world. I am connected to the earth and I am a part of it.

As I stand here the snow is creating that sound damping effect, making things more muted, letting me look inwards at myself. Here I give myself a moment for introspection. Hey lovely, how’s it going? How are you feeling? What do you need? How are we going to use this day for your highest good?

I keep my communication with myself honest, but self-deprecation is not allowed, worry is not allowed, “I can’t” is not allowed. Some days are profound and filled with motivation and results. Some days it’s just the basic needs that get met. However, it is all done from the same place, from a place of love and respect for myself. Remember that communication with yourself is speaking and listening! Every day is different, however coming from a place of love every day is profound to your healing, mind, and soul.

Today I needed the earth beneath my feet, to breath the fresh air, to watch a dog and sheep play and to know that my home is warm to welcome me home. Most of all I needed to know I am part of that cold, that fun, and that warmth. This fills my heart and soul with the joy, love, and energy I need to do my work.

What quiets your mind?

What speaks to your soul?

What makes your heart happy?

And how much easier would it be if you talked to your self only from a place of love and healing?

Please take your time and practice giving yourself the love you need every day. It will get easier every day, bigger every day and more authentic every day.

All My Best,

Dr. Nicole

Lester being one with the snow!

Stepping Into the New Year

As I sit here strolling, well to be honest running through all off social media, seeing everyone’s new year themes and waiting to see where I am guided...I put the phone down and walk away, for this is not a path to healing.

Outside a dog and a sheep run about as I pick a path to venture through nature. They are at play, doing what makes their hearts and souls happy. They run because it feels good, they stop when they are tired, they eat when they are hungry and seek out each other when in need of companionship.They miss each other when separated, and are joyful when reunited. They give themselves the best of their day, and the best that they can to each other. It’s good to be a dog and a sheep.

I then realize that the answer has already been given in my inability to find one. All of this pushing forward right now is totally counter intuitive to me at this time. This is a time of “hibernation” reflection, and finding our path for this year. It is not something quickly put together in the week in between winter holidays and the first of January. It is done day by day, moment by moment.

Change is what we are seeking at this time of year. Being HONEST about what is working for our highest good and what is a temporary and what must be let go of... What are our obstacles? What do we have for tools? What can we learn? How much love and compassion can we give ourselves before and during these processes? For there will not be change if we cannot give ourselves love or compassion.

Right now in the middle of the holiday season many are focused on giving and not having enough to give, loved ones and ones who are not there, happy memories and horrific moments that defined us. We have managed to externalize and keep ourselves busy to the point of exhaustion.

What makes us think that we can make ourselves anew or at least the perfect plan to for the new year in this state? No, please do not do this to yourself.

Stop, and allow yourself time. Time to enjoy, time to explore what your needs are and time to approach things honestly with yourself. Remember, just like healing, time is cyclical, the months of the year, the phases of the moon, the revolving of the sun. This also means healing and needed changes happen in cycles too. There is no failure in needing additional cycles for healing, you just need more healing at a deeper level.

Let’s take this first step into the new year together. I’m right beside you as you tell yourself “I love you and I will work at a pace that my body can handle. I will work with my mind to speak lovingly to my self. I will find what brings my soul joy.”

All My Best,

Dr. Nicole

Having a Heart

Life is a journey that has amazing highs and lows upon its path. As we travel, each of us carry our strengths, wounds, and badges of courage.  The stories that have been created from our experiences are filled with endless moments of heart filling joy, to the complete collapse of heartbreak.  I do not usually share too much about myself, as my days are filled with my work of helping others, but lessons are learned and things are forever changing.  Over the years I too have made choices that make me feel the emotions that run the gambit of the human experience. There is not one single experience that I have walked away from, and not learned something more of myself...this is one of those stories.

Six years ago, I was in the process of looking for a dog to adopt. I had recently lost my old guy and his companionship.  I had been looking on and off at dogs, and one day out of the blue I found a little cocker spaniel that had just been turned into a rescue in the Georgia.  I immediately knew, “she was the one”. I did not waste a single minute getting my information submitted for adoption.

After 3 long weeks of waiting the day arrived to pick up this little angel. The day of waiting was spent being a tourist in southern Maine.  While wondering the Kennebunkport beach, where coincidentally enough Barbara “Babs” Bush was walking her dogs. I stopped to chat with her briefly and petted her dogs, it was oddly a pivotal point in the day.

Two hours later, I was waiting to meet the transport van to meet this little angel that needed a home.  There she was scared and frightened. With my eyes full of tears, I scooped her up, took the pile of papers that was offered and headed off home to Downeast Maine. Little did I know of the changes that were about to take place in my life.

About the time I hit a toll booth I realized I didn’t have a single dollar in my car to pay the toll.  I found .52 cents, so I figured that I will just have to tell them this is what I have. I was already crying when I pulled up to the window at the toll booth and the man said, “Have a great day, the car in front of you paid your $1 toll!”  I never forgot that, and I could not pay it forward that day, but every time I have traveled through that toll booth, I always pay an extra $1 because of that day.

Upon arriving home, I was tired, with a tired little dog in my arms. I sorted through the pile of papers that I was given.  What I discovered is that this little dog had a good life, been extremely loved and was just sad owner circumstances that led to her being surrendered.  I was reading through 4 years of previous history when I came across her birthday... This little dog and I share the SAME birthday. My heart burst, tears ran down my face, my entire world changed in that moment, and the little dog that became known as Babs, and changed my entire outlook on life.

Babs and I have had many crazy adventures. She became my constant companion, my heart and my life was full. We walked, we hiked, kayaked, and played in the snow.  She took care of me and I cared for her. As life goes, you never know what the future holds, and changes take place. Babs started slowing down, but you could still feel the love come from her. She greeted patients at my office, and spread her love and joy all around, she just makes your heart smile.

A few years ago Babs was diagnosed with an enlarged heart due to congestive heart failure. My heart was broken, but I knew that the dog that loves so much would have a huge heart, but this was devastating.  I of course, looked at every possibility of “fixing” it, “treating” it. I tried to allow myself the ability to trust his as part of my life lessons.

Little did I know it would be one of the toughest, and most rewarding chapters in my life.  I consulted many vets, natural vets, holistic vets, hours on the internet, chinese healers, the list was endless. After much research and really listening to my heart, I opted to treat Babs as holistically and as naturally as possible. Over the past year and a half, I have had little sleep, many hours of worrying, many nights crying, making poor health choices for myself, complete exhaustion at times, but to this day, Babs is still here, doing her thing.  She is slow, she still is the presence of pure love.

So, why is this all so important? How did this little dog save my life?  In the past two years, I have felt lost, lonely, and scared. I have had to dig deep in my well to get through some days, while still continuing my healing practice.  What I have learned about my own heart, by taking such good care of hers? I learned that it is okay to be vulnerable and weak, it is okay to admit when I am sad, and it is okay to withdraw to spend time for healing myself.

A part of many journeys we take in life is getting lost, and I have from time to time. However, I get up every day and give Babs a snuggle and let her know how much she is loved. During this process I realized in caring for loved ones, it is easy to neglect ourselves and we can very easily feel empty, EMPTY AND LOST.  It can be hard to let others fill our cup, realizing what is being offered to us, what is available to assist us, and having the courage to ask for it. This chapter of my life, while it’s been really tough, it has truly been the most fulfilling it because while taking care of Babs’ heart, I started caring for mine too.  I don’t necessarily mean that I have everything totally worked out for myself, but I have started taking care of those emotions that are so easy to bury and ignore. My journey is moving forward again! Thank you Babs for allowing me to love you so deeply, so freely, thank you for loving me so genuinely, that I have remembered to love myself again.  I did not realize I had gotten lost, but because of you and your amazing heart, I can truly love myself again. The day I rescued you, the moment I found out we shared the same birthday, you really rescued me.

During your journey, you will get lost, get scared and when this occurs remember to breathe.   A lot of prayer a lot of blind faith can move mountains. In helping others along the way be open and listen to your heart, it is truly talking to you, it is giving you a view into your own heart and how to love yourself.  In loving yourself, you will find your authentic self and unleash your true potential. It is in our hearts, not our minds, where divine energy resides. Heart energy expands and can be felt by those all around you when you allow yourself to experience self love.